San Diegans Continue To Exploit Loophole In Beach Alcohol Ban

by staff on September 14, 2009

Police officer must wait for resident to bring alcohol on the sand before he can make an arrest

Police officer must wait for resident to bring alcohol on the sand before he can make an arrest

PACIFIC BEACH — Soon after it became illegal to consume alcoholic beverages on San Diego State Beaches, opposition groups were bent on finding a way around the law.  It was only a matter of time before determined drinkers discovered a flaw in Proposition D.

A few months after the law was passed, a team of alcoholics hired a team of lawyers to find a loophole in the legislation.  Eventually the lawyers realized that it is perfectly legal to drink on the beach, as long as you’re not standing on the sand.

After news of the loophole became known, many San Diegans began taking alcoholic beverages aboard inflatable rafts and proceeded to treat the ocean like an SDSU frat house.

Thousands participate in reverse evolution by returning to the ocean with alcohol.

Thousands participate in reverse evolution by returning to the ocean with alcohol.

This past Labor Day Weekend more than 3,000 San Diegans flocked to an event known as “Floatopia,” which set a record for the biggest public display of offshore drunkenness ever.

After witnessing the debauchery that took place that day, which desecrated the once-pure waters of Pacific Beach, San Diego Mayor Robert Burns became worried of what might happen if San Diegans continued to drink in the ocean.

“I fear that if we keep defiling the ocean, it will eventually turn into Garnet Ave,” said Burns.

Several days after “Floatopia,” Mayor Burns delivered a televised speech in which he pleaded with the city to stop the drunken offshore mayham.

“I’m afraid it may be too late,” said a frantic Mayor Burns. “Several swim-up bars have already opened up in the ocean near Pacific Beach.”

“It’s only a matter of time before the waters will be infested with inebriated cougars and douchebags on inflatable rafts,” Mayor Burns added.

“If the city doesn’t scale back its lewd aquatic behavior, the ocean will soon be littered with empty bottles, and people will be waking up on rafts with hangovers.  If you thought you had a bad one-night stand before, wait until you wake up next to a jellyfish,” added a passionate Mayor Burns.

Garnet Ave regulars now inhabit our sacred ocean

Garnet Ave regulars now inhabit our sacred ocean

Mayor Burns’ “I have a nightmare” speech was viewed by over two million San Diegans and was shown in schools across San Diego County except for the La Mesa-Spring Valley School District, who voted at the last minute to ban the speech because it was “both motivational and inspirational.”

{ 5 comments }

tok3 October 5, 2009 at 2:57 pm

you dont need alcohol to have a good time, you just need to be surrounded by drunks with floaties to have a good time =)

Jerry Roman October 13, 2009 at 8:05 pm

REMOVE Kevin Faulconer from office!

He ran his previous election campaigns saying no to any alcohol ban. Now he has enacted a 24/7/365 alcohol bad on our beaches, bays and parks. Did he flip/flop for the political gain? His uneducated knee jerk reaction shows he is not fit to be a public servant.

San Diegans want a leader they can TRUST that has the LEADERSHIP to make EDUCATED and INFORMED DECISION for the people. Not for his political gain!

Shamoonon October 15, 2009 at 11:23 am

Hey, where did you get my picture?

wendy ketner November 15, 2009 at 12:20 pm

I definantly do not have to drink to have a good time.There was a time in my life when I did,but I guess I have discovered that I enjoy myself better as well enjoying others better without drinking.Why does someone have to have a drink in their hand to enjoy themselves.Plus you know every is peeing in the water as they are drinking.GROSS!!!!

home insurance San Diego March 18, 2010 at 9:12 pm

Great article. It will be interesting to see what happens this year as Spring Break and summer approach.

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