LA JOLLA — Yesterday a physics experiment went haywire after a graduate student pushed a giant 25-foot slinky off the rooftop UCSD’s oddly-shaped Geisel Library. After the slinky reached the last story of the library, it made a 50-foot drop to the ground, then began a destructive path through the campus where it injured 45 students and 5 faculty members.

“They warned me not to build a slinky this large, but I didn’t listen,” said a regretful 26-year-old Ryan Lamont, who conducted the experiment to validate his graduate thesis on spring theory.

“It was awful,” cried one UCSD student.  ”My friends and I were just standing around outside the library, loading our TI-83 calculators with midterm answers, when a giant slinky rushed by and knocked us to the ground.”

Giant slinky terrorizes Mission Bay

The slinky, which continues to wreak havoc across San Diego, was last seen traveling through Mission Bay.

“We just have to let this slinky run its course, and pray that it won’t take too many lives,” said one renowned UCSD Physicist.

San Diego Police Officers have tried everything to stop the slinky — bullets, missiles, rockets … but the slinky continues to trample crowds, leaving a trail of bruised and bloodied bodies behind its every move.

Police are currently advising civilians who find themselves in the direct path of the slinky to try to position their bodies directly in the ‘eye’ of the slinky to avoid being crushed by the perimeter of the giant metal helix.

Last Friday a 20-year-old UCSD student named Melvin Dorfman reportedly crashed a frat party at San Diego State University, where witnesses say he stuck out like a sore thumb.

“He came up to me and started asking weird questions, like what my GPA was and how I felt about the job market.  I was like, dude, are you gonna take a bong rip or what?” explained SDSU sophomore, Brad Jones.

Jones wasn’t the only one at the party disturbed by Dorfman’s presence.

“I was talking to two hot chicks at the party and they were totally digging me.  But then this guy comes up to us and starts showing off his TI-92 graphing calculator.  He totally cock-blocked me,” said SDSU Dean of Admissions, Matthew Grear.

SDSU freshman Stacy Blair said, “He asked me if I wanted to go to one of the bedrooms and study calculus, whatever that is.  I can’t believe he brought his backpack and textbooks to the party.”

SDSU’s campus police department is currently taking measures to prevent incidents like this from happening in the future.

“We’re now going to be checking campus IDs outside parties to prevent any more UCSD nerds from getting in.  The the last thing we need here is a buzzkill, and more textbooks,” explained SDSU Campus Police Officer, Jake Armstrong.

LA JOLLA, CA – Yesterday a 26-year-old UCSD graduate student named Larry Fung was busted on campus for subletting his college apartment to 700 other students.

Fung, an international student, went around campus and promised other international students that they could live with him for $5 a month.  He also told the students they would get a cut of the rent if they found more students that were willing to pay $5 to live there.

The plan worked perfectly until one Friday night, when all of the students showed up to the apartment at the same time, and couldn’t collectively fit inside.

This is said to be the biggest ponzi scheme in UCSD’s history.