MIRA MESA — “Let’s face it, if a kid is raised in Mira Mesa, we pretty much know where he’ll end up later in life,” were powerful words uttered by San Diego Mayor Calvin Malone at this morning’s ribbon-cutting ceremony commencing the opening of a new prison built adjacent to Mira Mesa High School.

“It was a tough choice deciding what to do with the $8 million in government stimulus money we received, but in the end we thought a new prison would be more practical than fixing up the school or buying textbooks,” Malone added.

The new 12,000 square foot maximum security juvenile correctional facility can house as many as 2,300 teenagers at one time.

Hundreds of people turned out to celebrate the event, including the Mira Mesa High School Mascot, Phozzy the Pho.

San Diego Mayor Calvin Malone joins Vice-Principle Stephanie Lauson and Phozzy the Pho to commemorate the grand opening of the new prison.

Mira Mesa Police Chief Carl Feldman expressed his enthusiasm for the prison at the event.

“It’s going to be great to not have to drive these Mira Mesa kids all the way downtown after arresting them,” said Feldman. “The savings on gas alone justifies the cost of the facility.”

The small percentage of students who aren’t incarcerated by senior year will have the option of transferring directly to the prison after graduation thanks to a new government-sponsored program.

Mira Mesa High Vice-Principle Stephanie Lauson said, “We’re extremely delighted to know that every one of our students has the option of going directly to prison.”

Prison security guards have already began an on-campus recruitment campaign by talking to kids about the benefits of prison during their lunch break.

The prison will offer both a 4-year program as well as an accelerated 2-year program for kids who are really eager to turn their lives around.

Though the proximity of the prison is convenient for visits, some Mira Mesa parents have higher aspirations for their kids.

Jill Swanson has been reading dozens of different prison brochures for the last several weeks on behalf of her son Zachery, who at the age of 16, already has two strikes.

“We want to pick out the best prison for our son,” said Swanson. “We’ve had several offers so far but we don’t want to rush into an important decision like this one. These days prisons are very eager to earn extra taxpayer dollars for housing our kids, so we feel we can be choosy.”

After years of controversial legal battles, yesterday a La Jolla judge declared once and for all that the Mount Soledad Cross shall be removed, and replaced with a smaller, more efficient, Japanese Cross.

“The Mount Soledad Cross is just too big and too expensive to maintain,” said Judge Frank Weston, moments before making the decision to have the cross replaced.

Over the years San Diego tax payers were forced to shell out millions in maintenance fees and legacy costs to ensure the Mount Soledad Cross was operable.  The bulky American made cross would often break down in severe weather conditions, and its enormous size made repairs extremely difficult.

The new Japanese Cross is less than half the height, and ten times thinner than old cross.

Judge Weston proclaimed, “The new cross can power half of the homes on Mount Soledad using solar technology.  Plus, it has really neat LED lights.”

After the ruling was made, several San Diegans expressed their opinions to reporters outside the La Jolla Courthouse.

Pacific Beach resident Todd Parker said, “I’m happy with the decision.  What did that old cross ever do for us?  In this modern era, it’s inconvenient to embrace something so large and archaic, that lacks LEDs.”

It seems technology will triumph over tradition in this court case, but not everyone is thrilled with the decision.

“I’m sad to see the old Soledad cross go, I’ve been jogging by it every day for 25 years…I could always count on being there.  You can call me old fashioned, but that new Japanese cross looks like a cheap plastic spaceship,” said La Jolla resident Douglass Whittman.

Though after the interview, Whittman did admit he was impressed with the LEDs on the new model.

CORONADO — Last week the City of Coronodo lifted its 15-year ban on suicide-by-bridge-jumping in an effort to tame San Diego’s population growth.

The law was enacted as part of Prop G, which passed by an overwhelming margin in November’s election.  When the county’s population hit the 3 million mark in 2007, it was clear that San Diego had become too crowded.

The Mayor of San Diego, Harold Finley who voted in favor of the Proposition said, “The city’s population is getting out of hand.  It takes me almost 30 minutes to get a parking spot at Costco.  Also, driving to City Hall from Temecula on the I-15 is a nightmare.”

These daily hassles brought about by a overabundance of people is why the city has positioned various “Jump Zones” along the Coronado Bridge.  These signs mark designated areas where bridge jumping is permitted.

“We think the Jump Zone signs will make a big splash,” said Finley.

“We hope to see people that San Diego needs least to jump off the bridge, and so far we’ve had good results. Yesterday three telemarketers jumped off, and today we heard that two real estate agents are thinking about it,” added Mayor Finley.

Before Prop G passed, there had been a state fine of $50 for jumping off the Coronado Bridge, which was a deterrent for many people.

“Now that there’s no $50 fine for jumping off the bridge, we expect to see a lot more people committing suicide,” added Finley.

The Coronado Bridge is the third largest suicide bridge in the U.S, behind Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA, and the Aurora Bridge in Seattle, WA.  The ban on bridge jumping was originally enacted in 1994 when the city still felt it needed a larger population to drive its economy.

Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Diego-Coronado_Bridge