MIRA MESA — Rather than waking up to the usual morning sounds of helicopters, police sirens, and car windows breaking, today Mira Mesa residents arose to the soothing sounds of ocean waves and seagulls cawing.

Oceanographers claim that an “overnight global warming surge” caused the Pacific Ocean to rise 250 feet and move five miles inland, covering all land between La Jolla Shores and Camino Santa Fe.

As a side effect of the catastrophe, Mira Mesa is now considered beachfront property, and home values for the 92126 zip code instantly rose an average of 300K in the morning hours.

“Our day has finally come,” exclaimed one Mira Mesa resident, as he joyfully danced outside of Pho King, a popular local Vietnamese Restaurant.  “Wealthy people from Sorrento Valley, La Jolla, and Del Mar, who have scoffed at us for years, are now underwater in their homes,” he added.

Poverty stricken areas of San Diego have depreciated the most from the recent real estate bubble. Real estate bloggers have been saying for months that the homes of the wealthy would eventually be affected, but no one predicted it would happen overnight.

Some say the calamity is an act of “divine intervention,” punishing the rich for their greedy ways.  Others are saying the disaster is a conspiracy linked to President Obama’s redistribution of wealth plan.

Mira Mesa residents are already showing signs of becoming adjusted to beach life.  One man was spotted taking the bars off the windows of his house, and using them to make a lobster trap.

Also, incidents of crime have already dropped significantly – which usually goes hand in hand with living in a beach community (excluding Oceanside).  Police data from sandiego.gov’s crime statistics page showed only three car thefts in Mira Mesa this morning, down from an average of 27.

Dr. Durgan poses for a quick photo op during surgery

SCRIPPS RANCH — Yesterday a doctor from Poway Medical Center successfully performed a risky, yet necessary operation to separate two conjoined houses in Scripps Ranch.

The two families living in the homes, the Joneses and the Westons, were fed up with being attached to each other, and agreed to the surgery despite knowing that one, or even both of the houses could collapse if the procedure wasn’t flawless.

Conjoined houses (also known as duplex syndrome) are a rare unfortunate phenomenon that occurs when two houses, which are meant to be free standing, are joined by a common wall upon construction.  Statistics show approximately .001% of all homes are constructed with this tragic condition.  Scientists haven’t pinpointed exactly what causes this deformity, but one popular theory is that chances are significantly increased when home builders do hard drugs (such as meth and cocaine).

Families who have to live in conjoined houses often lose basic freedoms that most of us neglect — such as the ability to paint our home’s exterior, throw parties that last beyond 10:00pm, or have a yard sale without it being really awkward.  These are just a few of the reasons why the Joneses and the Westons hired Dr. Kevin Durgan to perform the reverse-duplexectomy.

“After their kid started playing drums, we knew this had to be done,” said Nathan Jones, head of the Jones household.

Luckily for the two families, the procedure went smoothly.  When a different doctor attempted the same type of operation on a duplex in Temecula three years ago, both houses came crumbling down after an incorrect chimney incision.  The incident wasn’t reported in any newspaper because it happened in Temecula.

CARMEL VALLEY — Dan Mobley, a 32 year old graphic designer, was arrested from his Carmel Valley home today for painting his condo, which is a clear violation of the complex’s HOA rules.

Mobley was enthusiastic about owning his first home and made the mistake of trying to personalize it.

Police were tipped off by neighbors when they noticed Mobley painting the condo from his balcony.  A swat team arrived soon after and Mobley was beaten, cuffed, transported to prison, and is not eligible for bail.

Mobley purchased the 2bed 2bath 1,100sqft condo in 2007 for $380,000, which is considered a bargain in Carmel Valley.

The rules of HOA (or home owners association) agreements vary from city to city.  Mobley’s complex doesn’t allow painting, remodeling, pets, visitors, noise, or leaving the premises on Sundays.