LA JOLLA — Yesterday a physics experiment went haywire after a graduate student pushed a giant 25-foot slinky off the rooftop UCSD’s oddly-shaped Geisel Library. After the slinky reached the last story of the library, it made a 50-foot drop to the ground, then began a destructive path through the campus where it injured 45 students and 5 faculty members.
“They warned me not to build a slinky this large, but I didn’t listen,” said a regretful 26-year-old Ryan Lamont, who conducted the experiment to validate his graduate thesis on spring theory.
“It was awful,” cried one UCSD student. “My friends and I were just standing around outside the library, loading our TI-83 calculators with midterm answers, when a giant slinky rushed by and knocked us to the ground.”
The slinky, which continues to wreak havoc across San Diego, was last seen traveling through Mission Bay.
“We just have to let this slinky run its course, and pray that it won’t take too many lives,” said one renowned UCSD Physicist.
San Diego Police Officers have tried everything to stop the slinky — bullets, missiles, rockets … but the slinky continues to trample crowds, leaving a trail of bruised and bloodied bodies behind its every move.
Police are currently advising civilians who find themselves in the direct path of the slinky to try to position their bodies directly in the ‘eye’ of the slinky to avoid being crushed by the perimeter of the giant metal helix.