Last Friday a 20-year-old UCSD student named Melvin Dorfman reportedly crashed a frat party at San Diego State University, where witnesses say he stuck out like a sore thumb.
“He came up to me and started asking weird questions, like what my GPA was and how I felt about the job market. I was like, dude, are you gonna take a bong rip or what?” explained SDSU sophomore, Brad Jones.
Jones wasn’t the only one at the party disturbed by Dorfman’s presence.
“I was talking to two hot chicks at the party and they were totally digging me. But then this guy comes up to us and starts showing off his TI-92 graphing calculator. He totally cock-blocked me,” said SDSU Dean of Admissions, Matthew Grear.
SDSU freshman Stacy Blair said, “He asked me if I wanted to go to one of the bedrooms and study calculus, whatever that is. I can’t believe he brought his backpack and textbooks to the party.”
SDSU’s campus police department is currently taking measures to prevent incidents like this from happening in the future.
“We’re now going to be checking campus IDs outside parties to prevent any more UCSD nerds from getting in. The the last thing we need here is a buzzkill, and more textbooks,” explained SDSU Campus Police Officer, Jake Armstrong.