Valentine’s Day can be one of the most depressing days of the year if you’re single, which is why you should do everything possible to not be alone. This article gives you three tips on how to find last-minute love while still maintaining your unrealistically high standards.
Tip #1 — Find that special someone using Craigslist
You’re probably thinking, “Craigslist?! I tried that once and met a girl that ended up looking like a cross between Golem from Lord of the Rings and Lassie.” Or perhaps it’s just me thinking that.
The key to finding a great catch on Craigslist is to completely avoid all of the personals sections (women seeking men, strictly platonic, casual encounters, etc.) and go straight for the roommate ads. Yes, you heard right. It’s a proven scientific fact that the women looking for a room on Craigslist are 100 to 200 times more attractive than the women placing personal ads.
Below are two Craigslist ads picked at random - the one on the left is a “Women Seeking Men” ad, and the one on the right is a “Roommate Wanted” ad.
After you find a roommate ad that catches your eye, clean your messy apartment, then respond to the ad pretending that you have a room available. Be sure to keep the rent low ($300 – $400). When you find someone that checks out your place and wants the room, say yes, then suggest meeting up for drinks to celebrate your new roommate-ship. When you get together, buy her plenty of drinks (during happy hour of course), close the deal, and the next day explain that it would now be awkward to live together.
Tip #2 — Use the horrible real estate market to your advantage
Female real estate agents are typically really attractive. They have to be, because nobody wants to buy a house from a fatty. With the real estate market in the tank, most agents are desperate to make a sale. Luckily, most houses up for sale have a flyer that includes a picture of the agent selling the house. I walked around a random block in Mira Mesa last weekend and gathered about 18 flyers (thus 18 phone numbers).
Once you find an agent you like, call her up and schedule an appointment for a tour of the house. Be sure to wear something nice. When you meet, pretend to be really interested in the house. End the conversation by saying you’d really like to make an offer, but you want to discuss more of the details over dinner at your place.
Tip #3 — Find a girl on a corner
It’s not what you think. With the economy on the verge of a depression, everyday hundreds of stores are going out of business. And every store going out of business needs to hire someone to spin a goofy “going out of business” sign on a nearby corner. Though most of the sign spinners are male, I’ve seen a few cute females out there. The best way to approach this scenario is with a clever pickup line.
. I don’t know who the blondie is.
{ 1 trackback }
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmmm, I think I’ve run into that fat lady before.
your mom
Don’t you have some crappy tax sucking stimulus plan to be working on?
That’s Mimi from Drew Carrey… you sneaky man you