Lockheed Martin Receives $30 Million From Government At Annual Company Yard Sale

by staff on March 29, 2009

Lockheed Martin's Annual Yard Sale

POINT LOMA — Yesterday in Point Loma, premier defense contractor Lockheed Martin took in a record $30 million at their annual company yard sale.

The Lockheed Martin annual yard sale gives federal agents the opportunity to get great deals on ill-received prototypes from scrapped projects that would otherwise not see the light of day.  The sale is known to feature the “best of the worst” in defense technology products.

Last year the government purchased an F-22 Flying Submarine, and several Missile Cozies.

One of the more popular products at this year’s yard sale was the ALBA-9000 space satellite — a satellite that can pinpoint the graphical position of Jessica Alba at any time, then snap a high resolution photo of her.  The ALBA-9000 project began in 1999, and was heavily funded by the Clinton Administration.  The project was put on hold after he left office.

alba9000-3-small

Another yard sale item that sold quite well this year was the Tank-Tank Top — a thin, sleeveless shirt for tanks.

“The Tank-Tank Top was originally designed to further intimidate enemies by letting them know that they’re in for a drunken beating after you run them over,” explained Sidney James, chief engineer at Lockheed Martin.

The Tank-Tank Top. The Tank Top for tanks.

Landmine Detector

Another gadget that created a buzz was a tablet computer device that could help troops detect landmines. The military initially chose to pass on this device because its addictiveness became a distraction during battle.

This morning Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced that overall, he is very pleased with the purchases made at this year’s Lockheed Martin yard sale.

“This year we plan to buy the bulk of our arsenal at defense contractor yard sales to show America that we too can cut back on extravagant purchases,” said Gates.


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