DOWNTOWN — Today the union of female pedicab drivers announced they will be going on strike until a law is passed that prevents creepy, obese men from attempting to ride pedicabs.
Pedicab rides are a pay-per-minute service that enables out-of-shape individuals to be pedaled around by in-shape individuals in San Diego’s historic Gaslamp District.
The strike was triggered by a tragic incident last week, when a 21-year-old female pedicabbie named Jane Kelley collapsed from exhaustion while trying to pedal two 300-pound men from the Ghirardelli Chocolate Store to Gaslamp Pizza. Kelley is the third pedicab driver to be hospitalized for exhaustion this year.
“We’re fed up with having to pedal greasy, overweight men from restaurant to restaurant,” said pedicab driver, Tina Johnson.
The union of female pedicab drivers are currently protesting on the corner of 5th and Broadway. Their list of negotiations include imposing a 200-pound weight limit, minimizing the time passengers can spend staring at their rear ends, and prohibiting passengers from taking pictures of them with their camera phone.
“This situation shows how Americans in general are getting fatter and lazier every year,” said obesity research expert, Dr. Barry Goldwater. Goldwater is the author of the current New York Times Best Seller, “Walk Your Fat Ass Back to Your Car: The Laziness of Pedicab Passengers.”
To make this issue even more complicated, the union of greasy, obese, male pedicab passengers are also protesting (from inside the Jack in the Box on C St.), claiming that the pedicab strike is unfair.
“It’s unconstitutional to discriminate against us … we keep most of the downtown restaurants in business and make up ninety percent of pedicab passengers,” said one fat greasy guy.