Ocean Levels Rise Drastically Overnight, Mira Mesa Now Beachfront Property

by staff on April 15, 2009

New Mira Mesa

MIRA MESA — Rather than waking up to the usual morning sounds of helicopters, police sirens, and car windows breaking, today Mira Mesa residents arose to the soothing sounds of ocean waves and seagulls cawing.

Oceanographers claim that an “overnight global warming surge” caused the Pacific Ocean to rise 250 feet and move five miles inland, covering all land between La Jolla Shores and Camino Santa Fe.

As a side effect of the catastrophe, Mira Mesa is now considered beachfront property, and home values for the 92126 zip code instantly rose an average of 300K in the morning hours.

“Our day has finally come,” exclaimed one Mira Mesa resident, as he joyfully danced outside of Pho King, a popular local Vietnamese Restaurant.  “Wealthy people from Sorrento Valley, La Jolla, and Del Mar, who have scoffed at us for years, are now underwater in their homes,” he added.

Poverty stricken areas of San Diego have depreciated the most from the recent real estate bubble. Real estate bloggers have been saying for months that the homes of the wealthy would eventually be affected, but no one predicted it would happen overnight.

Some say the calamity is an act of “divine intervention,” punishing the rich for their greedy ways.  Others are saying the disaster is a conspiracy linked to President Obama’s redistribution of wealth plan.

main4Mira Mesa residents are already showing signs of becoming adjusted to beach life.  One man was spotted taking the bars off the windows of his house, and using them to make a lobster trap.

Also, incidents of crime have already dropped significantly — which usually goes hand in hand with living in a beach community (excluding Oceanside).  Police data from sandiego.gov’s crime statistics page showed only three car thefts in Mira Mesa this morning, down from an average of 27.

{ 5 comments }

EBone April 20, 2009 at 7:46 am

Ouch. Mira Mesa takes it on the chin. But in a well-deserved way.

Josh April 22, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Is this the reason inventory in Mira Mesa is low?

Mimi May 16, 2009 at 5:53 am

omg I am soooooo excited San Diegans now have this newspaper. This is friggin’ hilarious and GENIUS!

El Sleepy May 20, 2009 at 8:28 am

I’m taking the wheels off of my 64 Impala & turning it into a boat for Mira Mesa Bay tours. I’ll use my AK 47 as a paddle & I’ll serve burritos from Alberto’s all day long!

Casey May 25, 2009 at 11:14 am

Let’s give this new beach to the sea lions!!!

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