OLD TOWN — Yesterday, as the congregation of Temple Beth Shalom arrived to attend the Bat Mitzvah of 12-year-old Lindsay Rubenstein, they reportedly found two dozen multicolored Easter eggs scattered over the lawn of their synagogue.
Witnesses say the congregation became hysterical at the sight of the eggs.
“I was stunned … I blacked out and fell on my tuchus,” said Lindsay’s grandmother, 67-year-old Sheryl Rubenstein. “I’ve been on anti-shpilkes medication ever since the incident.”
Thanks to surveillance footage, police were able to quickly identify the egg planter as a local Catholic Priest named Paul Gordon — who happens to lead a church directly across the street from Temple Beth Shalom.
Gordon was immediately questioned by the Catholic Chruch as to why he placed the Easter eggs on the synagogue lawn. Under pressure to explain his actions, he promptly released the following statement to the Associated Press:
“My friends, there is one sole reason why I planted the eggs. I’ve heard from several sources, that the rabbi of Temple Beth Shalom has repeatedly denied the existence of the Easter Bunny — as if the Easter Bunny never happened. I’m appalled that in this day and age, a prominent Jewish figure could be an Easter Bunny denier, which is why I decided to give Rabbi Joseph Levine a taste of reality by sprinkling two dozen decorative, multicolored Easter Bunny eggs around his synagogue.”
After hearing this statement, the congregation of Temple Beth Shalom held an impromptu meeting, and took action by voting to discharge Rabbi Levine because of his alleged remarks.
“We just can’t allow the rabbi of our synagogue to make statements denying the existence of the Easter Bunny,” said one synagogue member. “Statements like that are intolerant and culturally insensitive to the Catholic Church,” he added.
Earlier today Rabbi Levine was asked by members of Temple Beth Shalom to turn in his yamaca, tallis, and beard.
This incident marks the first time a rabbi has been discharged for denying the existence of the Easter Bunny.